One of many things I have learned over the years is that common sense isn’t common. Sometimes, the reason for this is due to the fact that your common maybe different than what’s common for me. In other words, common practices like locking the doors and windows are just unheard of in certain neighborhoods. My rebuttal to that: crooks can drive. It’s not like there is some forcefield stopping the bad guys from driving in the neighborhood and casing the environment.
However, there are some universal common practices that are taught, such as being aware of your surroundings and don’t give your passwords out to just anyone. But what if we are just trying to do good? What if we just became misguided along the way and don’t realize it? Sometimes, there are some things that we haven’t been taught about so we don’t know how to react. Other times, we aren’t aware of the negative impact of our actions because it doesn’t feel wrong at the time. For example, read post How To Be Productive And Stop Overthinking, where I discussed how being a gamer didn’t feel bad but in the long run it was negatively impacting me.
Let’s uncover these common mistakes so we can put an end to them!
- Trying to hard to make a relationship, a friendship, or job situation work
All forms of relationships are supposed to be interdependent. You add value in the relationship. The person or people involved add value in the relationship. Think of it as a football team. Everyone has their specialty to make the team successful. However, once someone is depending one or two people to make magic happen on the field all the time, the morale, among other things, drops. Are you over contributing in a relationship? Is your job overly demanding and it’s not what you signed up for? If your happiness is consistently taking a plunge, then it’s time to move on. Create a strategic exit strategy.
- Denying yourself the right to be happy
As long as you’re happiness isn’t causing others harm, you have the right to be happy. Happiness isn’t exclusive to a certain group of people. Think about what you would love to do and do that. Start small if what you love to do costs more money than you currently have. For example, if you love to travel but can’t afford a vacation, be a tourist in your city or a neighboring city. Want to take dancing or language lessons? Go on YouTube and do a search for those exact things. Start small and work your way up. Experiencing happiness can be as simple or intricate as you like.
- Won’t accept help
Paraphrasing a quote I’ve heard many times, “If you want to accomplish something do it alone. If you want to go far, do it with others.” Something like that! Basically, you want to be open to accepting help from others but you also want to make sure that help is coming from the right people and that’s where the discord lies. A way to know if someone genuinely wants to help you is to see how they live their lives. Are they consistently helping others without expectation of something in return? Are they genuinely happy when they see others succeed? It’s okay to accept help but filter that help, trust your instincts, and make your final decision on what you’ll do. Remember, some good advice isn’t always great advice. Some people mean well but that advice may not fully apply to you. So, take their constructive criticism and use what works for you.
- Compare and contrast
Unless you are weighing your benefits, pros, and cons of investing or something similar to that, do not use compare and contrast regarding you and another person. For example, are you slightly jealous of the way someone is living but also look down on the way another person is living? To think that everyone gets jealous of something is silly. People confuse admiration and jealousy. Saying words like “house envy” or “body envy” is damaging. You just admire something or someone and would like that or something similar. Jealousy will lead to outrageous thinking. It’s not a good motivator. Be conscious of your thoughts, know that everyone is going through something at different levels, and no one is perfect.
- Too hard on yourself
You’re a high achiever or aspire to be a high achiever. Nothing is wrong with that unless you are pushing yourself to a point where you have set unreasonable goals. This is not to be confused with thinking outside of the norm like “I plan on being a multimillionaire by 40”. This is in regards to thinking “I’m going to lose 50 pounds by the end of the month”. There are some mindset shifts that happen first when you embark on the journey of losing weight and that can take about 30 days alone. This is about when you forget how far you have come when your vision gets cloudy, and when you become frustrated and what you haven’t done. Focus on the growth, what you have accomplished, and adjust your future plans.
- Putting yourself last
Let’s stop with the martyr syndrome. There’s nothing glorious about putting yourself last. Whenever I hear people (mostly women) talk about how they put the family first and they are too tired to do anything, all I can think about is how that woman has no boundaries and no one respects her. I don’t think of it as a badge of honor. Putting yourself last is detrimental to one’s health. Readjust the things you’re doing in your life by delegating tasks, hold others accountable, and say “No”. Also, if something doesn’t get done, you don’t lift a finger, let the people feel that pain so they can begin to appreciate the impact you have on their lives.
- Resisting change
Change can be scary. What I have learned is that what’s scary (in this context) is the very thing you are supposed to do. Some people are afraid of change because they don’t know every nook and cranny of how things will play out. However, being flexible and understanding the change will benefit you in the long run. The last thing you want is to constantly talk about the good ol’ times in 1999 and it’s 2018. Your body and age changes whether you want it to or not. Wouldn’t be better if you embraced and understand what those changes mean rather than to do things like lie about your age so you can be forever 29, but not really?
Do you do one of the 7 common mistakes above? What would you add to this list? Let me below in the comments!
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